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Collector Alexis Figueroa with a work by Omar Velázquez
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by Pedro Vélez

I finally made it! Iíve been honored with a false Facebook profile for my accomplishments in art criticism. What kills me is how utterly uninspired it is, starting with the fact that it uses my real name -- I would have preferred a classical pseudonym like Aldiviva Licante, the name attached to a notorious satire of the 18th-century Venetian opera world -- and posts its various slanders all across the network using the distinctive Spanglish of Nuyorican boxer Hector "Macho" Camacho.