In my time, I’ve appeared at Caroline’s Comedy Club, starred in an MTV pilot, auditioned for reality TV, sold my panties online, tried my hand at writing porn, and even stripped on Fuse TV on a show called the Pants-Off Dance-Off. At least I’m not swallowing live maggots on Fear Factor, I said to myself while shaking it bare-ass for the Fuse camera. That lissome look in my eyes was me thinking of my unpaid Con Ed bill. For that gig, I took home $200.

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