ASSHOPPER
by Tony Fitzpatrick



If there is a cooler-looking bug than a grasshopper, I don’t know of it. They’re prehistoric and futuristic at the same time; some of them even look metallic. Many a science-fiction monster owes its features to the grasshopper. As a kid, I caught them by the jar full -- and they were not easy to catch. You’d have to chase the fuckers all over the field; the big ones could jump ten feet and the ones with wings could jump even further. And they didn’t like being caught, either -- they fought like hell to escape.

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