BEEN TOO LONG AT THE FAIR

I don’t go to art fairs, so why would I attend one such as the VIP Art Fair, online?

I don’t know about you, but have you ever tried VIP cologne? How about that VIP designer suit? Or VIP seating at the movies? Perhaps you are looking to go on a VIP cruise? Or better yet, open up the Village Voice and look at all the cute ads for escort services. Most of those are called VIP. Some of the services even tell you, like dealer James Cohan, who is producing the virtual fair, that VIP means "viewing in private."

Feeling important, yet? You must be a very important person if so many entities are telling you so. Now, what is an art-world sophisticate supposed to think of participating in the online VIP Art Fair? I hear that, when Mera Rubell received her exclusive online VIP initiation, she just fainted with excitement. No one had ever called Mera a very important person before.

A couple of weeks ago I was casually introduced to Rep. Peter King, the incoming chair of the House National Security Committee. He had a police escort and a close mutual friend introduced us. The friend said, "Finch knows more people in New York than anyone. He is the go-to-guy." I then said to the Republican representative, "Mr. King, I am an art critic by profession."

Guess what his reaction was? Can you guess? Huh? He rolled his eyes, of course. I might as well I have said that I was Moon Maiden from the planet Zon. But, hey I’ve just logged on. I’m a VIP. Know how I know? James Cohan told me so.

VIP Art Fair, Jan. 22-30, 2011, organized by James and Jane Cohan and Jonas and Alessandra Almgren at http://vipartfair.com.