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OCCUPIED!

by Charlie Finch
 
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The one problem with OCCUPY WALL STREET is lack of imagination. Since most of its inexperienced organizers don't know New York that well, they are missing a lot of essential Fluxus-style action opportunities. So, as a lifelong activist and a lifelong New Yorker, let me help.

OCCUPY THE HIGH LINE. I hate the High Line. It's not a park, it's an elitist elevated sidewalk. The whole lot of occupiers could just about fit into it and give the snooty High Line Parks cops something to actually do. 

OCCUPY THE RAMBLE. Central Park's legendary male meeting place would be the perfect winter resort for the occupiers, a place so hidden and forbidden that the cops couldn't, and wouldn't, want to find them.

OCCUPY ALL THE PUBLIC RESTROOMS IN NEW YORK. Since, after decades of city plans to install them, there stiil aren't any, this would be a kind of street pantomime. 

OCCUPY THE GOLF COURSE AT VAN CORTLAND PARK. The cold-weather refuge of hard core duffers has enough wild vegetables and animals to feed the occupiers for months.

OCCUPY THE CLOISTERS. Want peace, that mellow feeling of refreshment from the cares of the world? This is the place.

OCCUPY RED HOOK. The physical obstacles of walking round Red Hook are so formidable, that it becomes a kind of cold weather scavenger hunt.

OCCUPY THE STATEN ISLAND FERRY. Pirates of Richmond County unite! Why stay landlocked, occupiers, and Staten Island is so huge that you could bring in thousands of reinforcements from all the other Occupizations all over the world.

OCCUPY TRUMP TOWER. Fuck Trump, fuck everything Trump, fuck the fucking Trump brand, let's turn it into Occupation Tower.

OCCUPY RAY KELLY. Our 70 year old police commish is such a tech-obsessed control freak, best to just follow him around until he cracks. And finally. . .

OCCUPY MARINA ABRAMOVIC. Actually, occupy her upstate boot camp, where she can get you all ready, with the right endurance exercises, for the long winter haul.


CHARLIE FINCH is co-author of Most Art Sucks: Five Years of Coagula (Smart Art Press).


 



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