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The West Springfield (Va.) High School Theatre’s production of Hello, Dolly!
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by Charlie Finch

Act 1, Scene 1. A lone man stands on stage. His name is Ulay. He breaks into song (to the tune of Maria from West Side Story): "Marina, I've just met a girl named Marina. And suddenly that name is driving me insane! Marina, I'll suffer and slave for Marina. And, still I don't know why, she's making me so high! Marina! Marina! Marina!" Men in white arrive and wrap Ulay in a straight jacket, hauling him off stage.