Why hasn’t President Barack Obama issued a full pardon to Lindsay Lohan yet? Certainly her contribution to our culture in Richard Phillips’ new film about her makes Lindsay a national treasure.

And what about Lindsay’s contribution to the economy? When she bats her eyes over the Gagosian Gallery logo at the end of Phillips’ short film, millions of art world dollars immediately alight upon our shores. Then there is Lindsay’s unmistakable contribution to film culture. As the Gagosian Gallery press release states, Lindsay herein re-enacts the parts of both Liv Ullmann and Bibi Andersson from Ingmar Bergman’s 1965 shapeshifting study, Persona, not to mention Maureen Stapleton’s suicidal walk into the ocean from Woody Allen’s first noncomic film, 1972’s Interiors. Clearly, Lindsay has not tested her range so widely since her music video of Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen.

Then, there is the cosmetology industry as treated cosmologically in Phillips’s film. Few beauties have (ahem) not required the surgeon’s knife as little as Lindsay, but her lips sure appear to be as (allegedly) collagen-injected as those of Melanie Griffith, Meg Ryan or Cher. Score another point for Richard Phillips, patron saint of female models everywhere and their cutting-edge search for visual perfection.

And finally, there is the parody factor. Shall Justin Bond or Cary Leibowitz or Michael Musto soon satirize this film? I believe they shall, getting wet doing it. And I am getting wet putting the Lindsay film on screen rotation. I guess that’s the point, isn’t it?