Since Artnet Magazine was covering real news as varied as Seattle sculpture, Jasper Johns and corrupt African potentates during the esthetically disastrous Armory Show weekend, I was able to sit at home in front of my computer and test the atmosphere of Artland. Hereís whatís on the way, if not already out:
STAGED PHOTOGRAPHY: Justine Kurlandís syrupy visions of Arcadia would make the Pre-Raphaelites choke.
CELEBRITY SIGHTINGS: Scheduling the New York art fairs on Oscar weekend kept the stars busy with gowns, rehab and paternity tests instead of art collecting.
EXPRESSIONISM: When every new painting looks like Katharine Bernhardt, itís back to abstraction.
YALE: An MFA from my alma mater means you are derivative and immature.
SLOGGING AROUND: Why travel from cubicle to cubicle when you can see the work on NYmag.com?
"HOT" OPENINGS: Sarah Douglas touted the new Yvon Lambert space as a sizzling bash on Artinfo.com. Youíd have more fun at the Y.
JEFFREY DEITCH: The leprechaun sitting in the golden pot at the end of the rainbow just went "Poof!"
SCRAGGLY YOUTH: Is that Slater Bradley or one of his hundred anonymous friends?
THE RUBELLS: A nice lumpy couple in search of a fat farm.
DEALERS AS STARS: If you wear a badge too long, youíre a security guard.
WARHOL: Everybodyís 15 minutes are up.
ART FAIRS: Brian Sholis tells us at Artforum.com that art fairs have jumped the shark, so, yes, Virginia, it must be true.
VIDEO: Your television does it better.
The antidote? Take pencil and paper and draw a friend.
CHARLIE FINCH is co-author of Most Art Sucks: Five Years of Coagula (Smart Art Press).