ALL KNOWLEDGE IS CANNED 
Whether it’s the all-inclusiveness of Wikipedia entries or services like KGB providing instant answers to the most trivial questions, the odds of discovering something new are nil.

GLOBALISM IS A MASK FOR AMERICAN DOMINATION
Is there a stupider culture than America? Sure, all the other cultures in the world who mimic America with their own saccharine, televised singing competitions or by downloading moronic American action films.

MALE CHAUVINISM NEVER WENT AWAY
Miss California opposes gay marriage? Why is there still a Miss California? And how many cyberchicks get off to World of Warcraft?

YOU CAN BRAND OR YOU CAN THINK, NOT BOTH
Those ubiquitous wall logos behind the red carpet media opportunities which accompany everything from Little League award ceremonies to the heartbreak of psoriasis are the only philosophy left.

ART IS JUST ANOTHER NAME FOR ADVERTISING
Andy Warhol stole from Madison Avenue to make his art. Now you can watch a TV commercial in which a Maurizio Cattelan lookalike whines about the perfect set location while filming an imitation Cattelan piece, a squirrel riding a motorcycle. 

THE ECONOMIC DOWNTURN IS JUST THE RICH ELITES SUCKING MORE OUT OF YOU
New York superdealers open still more spaces (or two), Hip young art curators organize three or four more international art spectacles, and the supine art press just eats it up.

STEPHANIE SEYMOUR IS AVAILABLE
In your dreams, as always, wanker!

BARACK OBAMA IS KEEPING GUANTANAMO OPEN, RECONSTITUTING MILITARY TRIBUNALS, BOMBING PAKISTAN WITH ROBOT PLANES AND LETTING BANKS LOAN MONEY TO THE GOVERNMENT AT 7 PERCENT WHILE YOU GET ZERO INTEREST ON YOUR ALREADY DESTROYED SAVINGS
Let’s all talk about abortion.