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by Charlie Finch
|Once more Santa rides his sleigh,
All good children tucked away
Waiting for his reindeer bells
(With each new snack his belly swells!)
Each new present wrapped, unfurled
Stuffing stockings, the art world:
A nip of grog for Mary Boone,
Ealan Wingate, Jeffrey Koons.
Hark the herald, Sara Sze
Messing up her Christmas tree.
Then let Sara share a laugh
With Matthew Ritchie, Judy Pfaff.
Watch that mistletoe, Karin Davie,
Turn us into your willing slavie!
Forget transgression, Ciccolina,
Matthew Marks and Stephen Prina
Wassail for the artists Kiki
Smith, Seror, a little freaky.
Clip those videos Pauly Pfeiffer
And from the cow parade, clip a heifer.
Pour some brandy and a beer
For goateed Julian LaVerdiere.
Toast the Williams, Sue and Tracy,
Give Inka Essenhigh something lacy.
A long and guttural "Wassabee!"
For Estonian homeboy Mark Kostabi.
A partridge and a pudding plum
For old professor Rosenblum
And his better half Jane Kaplowitz
For whom the colored stocking fits.
Billy Sullivan, Kertess, Klaus,
Art Spiegelman, the man of Maus,
Robert Storr, the man of MoMA,
Haden-Guest, new star of Troma.
Giovanni, Sherry, Erika, Walter, Ned,
Whoop it up like Right Said Fred!
Thomas Trosch, Deborah Kass,
Rirkrit, Gavin, Hoop, Ram Dass,
Eat a log like Mapplethorpe
With Beatrice Milhazes, Edward Thorp,
Mitchell-Innes and Ogden Nash,
Kent Logan and his stack of cash,
Norman Dubrow, Thelma Golden,
Rauschenberg, the golden Olden,
Billy Klüver, Yoko Ono,
Debt reducin' front man Bono.
"Peace on Earth" to Susan Hort,
Simon Watson, hold the fort!
A wiggle of the Sunday palm
To hot young artist Jonathan Calm.
David Hunt, unswell the head,
Marty Kersels, get out the lead!
Dennis Oppenheim is dancin',
Donder, Blitzen, Rudolph prancin'
In Cecily Brown's new studio
(across the street, we see it, whoa!)
The Alexanders, John and Brooke,
A pinch of paint was all it took.
For Richard Tuttle, Sol LeWitt
Poured tons of paint, so sit in it
Silverstein, joyful John Weber,
Twombly, Johns, Stella forever,
Warhol Foundation man Tim Hunt,
Sandra Gering, honey cunt.
A smooch so big for Sabine Spehn,
Mary Spirito, Peter Fend.
Colin, Patterson and Danny,
Spank John Waters on the fanny.
De Montebello, lead the chorus!
Brucie Wolmer, please don't bore us!
Give a vigorous Christmas vronsky
To Yvonne Force and Marshall Blonsky.
Love and kisses, Kenneth Noland,
Daughter Cady, Jennifer Bolande,
Carolyn and Teddy Bonin,
Jackie Tilton, always moanin'!
Yuck it up, Guy Richards Smit,
Landesman, don't give us shit!
Give us love, Monique Prieto,
The Steves: Westfall, Di Benedetto.
Martin Puryear, love your stuff,
The Thomases: Struth and Ruff,
Richard Johnson, Bowies' three,
Francis Naumann and Terry.
Kelly Lamb, Sophie Matisse,
And Jeffrey Deitch, the last not least,
Join me in this yuletide yell,
Art-world elves, "Joyeux Noël!"
CHARLIE FINCH is co-author of Most Art Sucks: Five Years of Coagula (Smart Art Press).